Reflections on 50 Years of Marriage

Last week, Debbie and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary! We’ve been celebrating all year, but the day got even more special. Jon and Rita threw us a fantastic party and asked us to share some thoughts on our marriage.

I started by saying that our marriage has been easy. We haven’t had any major upsets or arguments. We’ve definitely faced some tough times when we were parenting and have experienced the incredible pain that comes from love, which is tough. But overall, our marriage has been delightful. So, how did we do it?

Well, for one thing, we were incredibly lucky. We took our wedding vows when I was just

19, and Debbie was 20. We didn’t know much about each other, love, or what could go wrong. We were super naïve. This is a great place to start because we can never take credit for the love we’ve shared. It’s a rare gift that we didn’t deserve.

Another thing that’s helped us is that we’re both pretty ordinary people. We don’t have any special skills or talents. In almost every way, we’re somewhere between average and mediocre. And this has been really helpful in our relationships because at every crossroads, neither of us insisted that we were right. We’ve made decisions humbly and never blamed each other when things didn’t go as planned. Often, we’ve compromised, and when compromise wasn’t possible, we’ve taken turns. Like, “Okay, you get this decision, but I get the next one.” 

Our faith in Jesus has been the cornerstone of our journey. Since our wedding day, we’ve been committed to Christian fellowship, spiritual growth, and spreading God’s love to others. Our faith has always guided us, and we’ve been blessed with a supportive community that’s been there for us. It’s been tough at times, with doubts and challenges, but the church has been a lifeline for us. I can’t imagine our love blossoming without our faith in Jesus or our connection to the church.

Debbie’s incredible faith and courage have been a huge part of our marital happiness. She’s a remarkable woman in many ways, and few people know how truly exceptional she is. Her faith is unwavering, and she rarely lets fear hold her back. I first saw her courage in 1975 when she was willing to move to Japan with no idea what awaited her. Then, in 1979, she took a bold step by enrolling in Bible school, followed by a move to Germany in 1983. And in 2003, she made another daring move by selling our house and moving into an apartment complex. Her courage continues today as she faces the challenges of early-onset Alzheimer’s with unwavering faith.

Debbie’s courage isn’t just about taking risks and moving physically; it’s also about having the courage to have difficult conversations. She’s always been open about her deepest thoughts and feelings, and she’s never been afraid to listen to mine. It’s not always easy for couples to communicate openly and honestly, but Debbie has always been up for those conversations.

Sex and romance have been a big part

of our happiness. I never wanted to lose the

excitement of when we first met and fell in love. I’ve put a lot of time and energy into keeping our romance alive. Over the past 50 years, I’ve planned some special surprises, like a second wedding, quiet candlelit dinners, tropical vacations, and many nights when we just went out for dinner and talked about the deepest parts of our hearts. I’m surprised that more husbands don’t make this investment in their relationships; it’s so worth it.

I can’t imagine a better or more intimate relationship than the one we’ve had. And I can’t imagine anything more wonderful than a long marriage. It’s a gift. It has been a mix of love, commitment, luck, and some brave decisions we’ve both made.